“Thoughts – 18”


thoughts

Define touch from kiss
heaven to bliss
a metamorphosis

Enveloped in beat, ice cap heat
constant traffic to a good street
you weigh down; beat up
thought my choice words would be enough
I thought we already brought this up
moved on
we already sung this song

but her we go again
down these roads of indecision
I have really nothing more to say
I have said all I wanted to say
as for everything else I could say
i`ll hold my tongue

nothing good anyway
I pray  for rot for decay
every time we talk this way

im done
I just want to see progression
I don’t even know if I would like to speak
try to be discreet
maybe…
jus get up and move my feet

opposite direction
do you even realize
how frustrating this is for me
granted I know your demeanor
was undoubtedly caused by me
but from day one
I have dealt with transparency
like nothing… easily

we both put ourselves out there
we took a path that most wouldnt adhere
is it wrong to doubt even for a little bit
that this was wrong
can’t I fall victim to negative thinking
can I not be human
can I not look at other women 

just so we can focus
can I not have friends
my one and only…

its like you try to take so much from me
somethings are just as special
just as dear to me as you and me
how can you not be first
when everything else has to come after you

I tend to our family everyday
our needs our securities
I have no family without you 
friends in close proximity
but you accuse me
of putting others before you
I really don’t know what to do

this mud of us
I am stuck 
I am suffocated without anyone trying
applying to understand 
 I don’t understand

© Da Absentee 2011

*****
 
This should probably be called “Pages from my Diary” but I had said before that the “Thoughts” category would be filled with writings that are really me going through the motions of writing. To write. Sometimes I can’t write the next thing until I write these things that weigh heavy.
 
As Always…
 
Stay Positive!

“Thoughts – 17”


thoughts

Could this be failure ?

to know everyday they exist below potential
found oceans of untruth on fumes…
able to ignite at any second
consumed…

far from fragile
unfilled
set to a course
damaged
almost beyond repair
looking down the path
its dark and appears to go nowhere
still its the path…

where to walk
lined with one to many forks, all types of decisions
wrong ones at the time seemed right
hidden in days
so they had to walk at night
better but bitter, stressing but calm
needing more than a shoulder to lean upon
seeking a river to travel by…

life is up then easy down
soft soil or rock, loose gravel…
sand
the part of them that adds up to make them man
make whole…
express their sides take, support, encourage
listen…

no matter how their stride
remain at their side
help them cultivate from inside…

this is the person they are
the person we have known
it’s a personal change…

that they can not accomplish
on their own…

© Da Absentee 2011

*****

Dedicated to loved ones who need help to change. No matter what we love them for who they are . Good or Bad…

As Always…

Stay Positive!

“Before Walking In”


 s&t

The attempt now is to rid the air
the space up there in my head
the nervousness and anticipation is setting in
I can feel the knots trying to tighten
my back stiffening
I feel like i`m in the 3rd person
looking in, moving on
but not in motion
I will not lose focus
I will never be hopeless
they have gathered to pick my brain
break me apart
examine a few parts
find how I tick
its hard not being fake
its hard knowing, realizing
that what you’re saying is not bullshit
I come with aspirations of progress, of knowledge, time well spent
can I convey my intent
show my time WAS well spent
like I said…
an attempt.
Right now, was to clear the mind
before i`m torn and disassembled to bits
I will walk in with the mind frame…
I got this …

© Da Absentee 2012

*****

I was interviewing for a new position at work. I didn’t get the job but it was well worth the experience. It was a great interruption to the norm. I didn’t expect to get the job. Even after the second interview. All in all I had fun going  through the process.

“One Love Lesson”


part

Off the ground
turn around
lost the sound
it’s coming
needs to be found
something else that ties you back down
have you…

attempted…

continue foundation
tedious
is there escape
connecting of how you choose
depart from situation
absentees call for separation
duration unknown
for your own
on your own
finding…

broken down explanation
in need of thinking confirmation
depression wrapped in elation
foreign conversation
is there something
someone
worth waiting 

still yet
just once known…
you never forget…

 

© Da Absentee 2011

******

Not trying to say that I know all about this love thing but. Here I can only share my experience, the way I see it.

As Always…

Stay Positive!

“Part, Spiritual”


From hence and moments after
Goal… Capture…
Quintessence; no matter where it may lead,
Or go

We love each others soul
parts we know… parts we understand;
test of time?
Hardest to obtain, difficulty in explaining.

Out of body – transfigured – heavenly plain

After all defenses are down
all walls broken,

heart and mind…
Equally open…

Time; Trust; Reverence and Comprehending.

That part of me, factually all of me…
Infallible, absolute, uncontaminated; unexaggerated…

Is what I give to you,
this would show how much I love you.

How extensive I want our love to be
this is the part where i`ve given…
and you have…

all of me…

© Da Absentee 2011

rings

*****

The second installment of a 3 part series . Rooted in the “Fabrics Of Me” theme. It is a reflection of how I think we love people we are romantically involved with. Spiritual, Mental, Physical. My basic interpretations.

As Always…

Stay Positive!

“Life Coach”


They have gathered
they have fallen
I see history; present and future
laid out in front of me
a glow in the background
not looking at it
rather it’s  looking at me
I slow myself
so that I realize
this is what my life is to be
a provider, protector, preacher
healer, caregiver, advisor
historian, teacher
and sculptor
they come crying
so I give them a shoulder
offer wisdom and insight
cultivate effective hindsight
help and make them see right
I know where they come from
I can guide them to where they are going
to where they belong
without knowing
they learn from my example
they will take and remix,
everything they were taught
take and use it like samples
before I can see it
they will be carving a path all on their own
I will remain here steady
as they fly high
run the lines or dig in low
they look to me to teach what they do not know
i`m proud, I am amazed
they look up to me with so much praise
they are the reason I sleep for days
toil at nights
lose sleep and start fights
today they are the reason I write
I hold a person in my hands
I have taken up the mantle of man
to be a way to protect the future
leave my marks in the sand
I couldn’t even dream of being that man
the one who left it all behind
to be selfish, to be scared
they are life that can give you life
staring as they sleep
the day is wrapped up, the day is complete
still like an autumns fallen leaf
its been a long day; they have fallen lifeless and dead
its time they were off to bed…

© Da Absentee 2012

*****

I have kids … So as I see them all knocked and sprawled out in front of a tv that’s watching them sleep, this one came to mind. I know there are a lot of parents that feel the same way I do. The sad thing is there are some who feel the exact opposite of what I do. So this is dedicated to the parents who have owned and lived up to there responsibilities. No matter how good or how bad they may be…

As Always…

Stay Positive!