Category Archives: Talented 10th

Crabs In A Bucket

Posted by Da Absentee on

When a single crab is put into a lidless bucket, they surely can and will escape. However, when more than one share a bucket, none can get out. If one crab elevates themself above all, the others will grab this crab and drag’em back down to share the mutual fate of the rest of the group.

Often used to describe social situations where one person is trying to better themself and others in the community attempt to pull them back down.

As a people we see this all too often. It can be applied to so many areas of life. Instead of trying to build each other up we constantly pull and put each other down. Instead of using our experiences and knowledge to help be a footing to help others, so that they can get a foot; we shoot them in foot!

The modern day syndrome of negativity where we always hate and discourage one another is just staggering. Friends envy friends, family plotting against family. In all truth family members are probably the most guilty of the ‘crab mentality’. The reason being they are usually the closest to you, have more access to you and will be the first to see any progress on a small or larger scale. Which they will be ready to judge, poke and dis-member.

In the work place we do not work as a cohesive unit, we steal ideas, act as whistleblowers and discourage forward thinking simply because our thinking is that we should be better off than a co-worker. This then leads to ‘double work’ less productivity, less morale and quality of work then falters.

I can safely say that as a society especially in the black community we have inadvertently set up a standard “hate policy”. That any and everything that is not set with the ‘norm’ or is not aligned with our way of thinking and understanding that “If it is not for us. Then it must be against us.”

I believe that everyone with reasonably decent parenting in their lives would have been told at one point or another that it was “ok, to share” . Something in-stilled so early in life should have had a better hold in our core way of thinking because it is (I think) the simplest way of thinking to defeat ‘crab mentality’.

We come to points in our lives where sometimes we have to be that ‘co-star’. We have to fight the urge and longing to be the ones in the limelight. We have to become the person on the side doing the work and doing more, the behind the scenes that never gets the proper credit . These are the type of people, the inspirations, the muses and the supports who do more by playing their position for the better good.

We have become ok with being opposites and pulling in the other direction. we have set up a constant negative. That women must sleep around to get ahead. Everyone is looking for the quick buck, that no one wants to work hard anymore or he must be selling drugs way of thinking.

Who is to blame? We only have ourselves to blame.

We as black people should attempt to be a part of the ‘Talented Tenth’ where we help each other progress, set goals to improve ourselves which in turn, improve our surroundings which will improve others around us.

We need to strive to be a platform to help each other up and propel from. So that when one of us arrives to a new level, we always turn around and bring the ones we have surpassed. That the cycle of help, support, encouragement and goodwill continues on…

Happy… Forever…

Posted by Da Absentee on

When I first sat down to write this I thought “Oh this is going to be easy!” All I have to do is tell my thoughts to the world and wish them a happy life.

Then it hit me “When you say it like that..” It seems easy enough, but to actually pick and assemble the best set of words and thoughts to say all of that in like 3 minutes. That’s when it gets a little bit harder. How could I… I mean really grasp what I wanted to say.

Praise, Acknowledgement, Family, Commitment and Love in a couple of paragraphs. How could I assure everyone who reads this; to let them know that through the trials, hard times and just life in general; that marriage is a good decision for both parties, that this is how it is meant to be. That “Love can conquer all”  it just needs respect & reverence to keep it in line. To be able to tell newlyweds that this is a symbol, a contract, unyielding and completely binding. A true test of forever.

Some people could never share and discuss their lives with friends like they can family. Now when I say family, I mean there’s no way you can deny this person of being who they are to you. When you say loyal, supportive, stubborn, a down right pain in the ….,  someone to never skimp words and always tell you when your wrong or right, stand by you in a fight. To always be there even if you can’t see them, just like the stars at night. You can always depend on them to be who he or she is and to follow through.

I know sometimes; more importantly in today’s world, that this can turn into a fling or some disillusionment.

Teams that take these steps are centuries of mankind trying to come together for a definitive purpose. To finally see them coming together to make a statement in front of their family and friends. Where they make history with a rite of passage and celebration. To hold each other so dear and close. This was always down the road, and everyone here knows that this is not the easy way out. So as these and many more of the memories to come and linger on for years I wish the world a strong and healthy life.

Marriage is dedication, the battling of life together. It is poetry. It is love songs. The union can be dreams. Reality and fantasy… Bonded, together… In my opinion…

Happy… Forever…

As Always…

Stay Positive!

Education Not For Everyone?

Posted by Da Absentee on

Education can be and probably is the best way for our communities and people to rise above today’s current standards.We as people should use the resource of education to help overcome all aspects of negative world happenings. We have to use it as a driving force that would make available to us the common luxuries and securities that any normal person would want.

“Knowledge is Power” this is so true but I have also heard one to many times over the years that “College is Overrated”.  After coming of age and the positioning myself in this world, that statement is now and forever… wrong!  In today’s world having the opportunity to attend an institution of higher education and thinking is quite possibly the only way to travel the path of life.

Having grown and developed at a disadvantage. I took the example of my parents and ran with it. They themselves never attending college but being rather more successful than most with lists of accomplishments that could be considered above average.Yet… they to have fallen. They could not properly sustain their success even though being more than capable.

In today’s ever-changing, technological, light-speed global economy we should strive to help position ourselves and our offspring to heights well beyond our own undertakings. Some of us have grown up in environments where covering the bills was considered a way of life.  Just “Having Enough” will do and “I’m a Survivor” and I will “Make due with What I have”. Not saying these forms of thinking is wrong or neglectful but do we not want more from ourselves and  lives?

The less or uneducated man is least likely to succeed. Just a high school diploma to progress is not enough. For our young people to have any chance of a healthy, fulfilling and comfortable lifestyle we have to educate them!

I think of my nieces and nephews when I say “I wish I could afford to send them to school to better themselves.” 1 or 2 may get scholarships, toil away at the system and turnout alright, but I want more for them.

We as people have been victimized for many years, this should not put us in a place where we have no desire to better ourselves just because. We have to instill in our up and coming generations that higher education is a necessity. That they are incomplete without it and it will make them a more contributing individual to society as a whole. They can never know who they are in the appropriate timeline unless they engage the muscle of the mind so that it can afford them to be all they can be.

Is it not forward thinking and reasoning outside the common place where inventors have excelled even the inventions and innovations out of a basic need still needed to be perfected; by an educated mind.  Blueprints, mass production, the internet… was not conjured up by the simple-minded. It took know how and education to bring these things to light .

As parents and role models we have the “privilege” to imprint the future inhabitants of our world who will undoubtedly control and or play a major part in our own well-being. We being the elders who will one day depend on these/our young to maintain and facilitate our coming and goings. We should hold the responsiblity gravely and ensure these future leaders are the best at what they do. We have to educate the young people and remind them that “failure to educate” is an option to die for.

In exploring this entry, I have found myself at a point of explanation. I know my writing has focused on college education. This does not mean that I do not believe in the search for knowledge in other venues and streams. I also mean to say I believe this standard should start from the person on the floor to the guy up in the office.

Examples:

Hairdressers: Should take some form of accounting and business administration courses so they can have a full background to make their business profitable and able to sustain. Knowing not every professional stylist is going to open their own establishment but in the event they decide to. They will be ready or equipped to tackle the endeavor.

Education by definition:: (the act or process of imparting or acquiring general knowledge, developing the powers of reasoning and judgment, and generally of preparing oneself or others intellectually for mature life.)

That definition is what we should strive for…

As Always…

Stay Positive!

Fear Of Failure

Posted by Da Absentee on

“It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.”
–Theodore Roosevelt–

Growing up in a household with business minded parents, I had become accustomed to disappointments, failures, bad ideas, horrible ideas and decisions. Which would cross into their everyday, family and business life. How it affected said lives and how they “kept it moving“. Yet even with so much hurdles, set by them or others. I never really saw it as a problem when it came for them to “get back on the horse“. They always learned, re-calculated and tried new ideas, looked at different versions, either updated and or reevaluated. My parents hit the drawing board with new-found vigor and was literally back at it the next available opportunity.

This is the type of thinking as a people we need and should make a constant requirement in our lives. We should have inherited what our fore fathers had without even thinking. Trail-blazers, explorers, immigrants who were not forced to be here the ones who set out across the oceans and continents to change their circumstances. It’s these people the ones before us; where “failure is not an option“.

My parents were always trying to guess or understand what the people wanted, before they remembered what they wanted, and didn’t know they wanted. They gave customers more choices than needed, which lead the people to decide to purchase (with a little encouragement of course). Through it all there were losses, then there were gains… I never really saw my parents let deterrents set them back or stop them dead in their tracks. The mission was always to get people in the door and to let them decide freely to spend their money. The saying in the shop was “Ok… we didn’t get it with THIS; let’s try to get them with THAT.”

In this world today there are so many things we can fear as a people. We have been hit with obstacles all along the way from slavery, to racism, to poverty. All races are subject to adversity. The real death to us all (in my opinion) is “the fear of failure” or is it “the fear of success”. However you look at it; it’s the same thing. We use the same things to classify if we go after an undertaking. This simple way of thinking is one of our biggest hold-backs from progress. We must be willing to react to what is thrown our way by life and circumstance and overcome. We must believe in ourselves. To know that we are capable and can be a presence, a force and a model for people to look at for inspiration.

Why do we let things, emotions and people deter us? Do we not believe in ourselves? Does the fear of someones opinion hold that much significance, or carry that much weight that we let it dictate how we operate? Is there something wrong with the way we perceive ourselves? Do we know what we want or where we want to be? How can we reach our full potential? What is wrong with succeeding? Do we really understand success?

Do we comprehend that without failures along the way to a goal; that we can never really learn, grow and succeed!

The only evaluation that should hold some gravity is “self evaluations” and the ones that help us learn positively; not in the opposite direction. We have been brought up in a society, that over and over again “That will never work” or “I told you so”. We as a people need a mindset and culture change. The determination and belief in self that no matter what “where there is a will; there is a way”.

We can not simply let someone just like us; hand us opinions, thoughts and reactions that influence our decisions, helps us make excuses and act as if we have electric fences to keep ourselves locked in.

Message I have:

Try; if you don’t succeed
try again
learn from mistakes,
grow from within.
Don’t let fear block your dreams,
don’t let what anyone has to say
prevent you from the win!

– Da Absentee –

As Always…

Stay Positive!