“Making Whole”

Posted by Da Absentee on May 5, 2013

I’ve found a place
a safe
Heavy steel, galvanized plates
aluminum pressed and yield

where I attempted to lock it away
nothing existed
it was non-existent

I was non-existent… but you adhered
a loyal assistant
caught a snag
in the midst of oxidation
caused the revelation that sparked revolution
the rebirth and solution

four walls and a door

destroyed
you were there to fix
you the gift
kept me moving
beat and drum
anything needed; everything I needed
no need to convince
legendary as The Sphinx

life pelts sometimes
makes no sense to me
making everything history

why you stay… why you stayed
has to be something more than me

Still here you stand
beside me
your soul & veins
I’m garden, your sun & rain
by my side

yet you complain

continuing; always stepping in
make things change
take passing moments to rearrange
instead of enjoy the stage…
you I owe more than life

I owe to book…

ink and page…

*****

At one point in time I had actually put down the pen. I had let life and everything else absorb my time and focus and had just let “it” consume me. Until I found that i needed the pen to live my life. It has brought sanity to my insanity. Now I need no acclaim. I know without any doubts that this gift of word and rhyme has saved my life…

As Always…

Stay Positive!

“Not Having Enough”

Posted by Da Absentee on April 12, 2013

see how and why the world falls apart ?
all I know, is that I have my “know”
I have my heart, my mind, my spirit
how else am I supposed to get through this life, this instant.

I don’t know what to call what you have
but its all you have
you have twisted it, made it your vice
I acknowledge
you’ve made yourself unable to sleep at night
you can’t and wont let go
because it’s all you have in life
I don’t know how to help you get it right

even if I tell you there is a problem
you say im wrong
if you tell me the problem
and I dare to agree?..
im still wrong
really…
this can’t go on

*****

I am not different or special when it comes to having downtimes or upsets in life. When we make the commitment to share this life with another person we sometimes have fights. We have confrontations. This is a representation of what one of those unpleasant but real conversations anyone in long relationships will have. When one disagrees with the other or you find yourself in a cycle that’s needs to be broken. Well I have been there. I have written about it. I’m moving on…

As Always…

Stay Positive!

Scribbles – 17

Posted by Da Absentee on April 2, 2013

No sense …

perpetrating me and you
so tell me
what you wanna do
possible yet improbable…

so love me or leave me boo…

“Thoughts – 18”

Posted by Da Absentee on March 30, 2013

Define touch from kiss
heaven to bliss
a metamorphosis

Enveloped in beat, ice cap heat
constant traffic to a good street
you weigh down; beat up
thought my choice words would be enough
I thought we already brought this up
moved on
we already sung this song

but her we go again
down these roads of indecision
I have really nothing more to say
I have said all I wanted to say
as for everything else I could say
i`ll hold my tongue

nothing good anyway
I pray for rot for decay
every time we talk this way

im done
I just want to see progression
I don’t even know if I would like to speak
try to be discreet
maybe…
jus get up and move my feet

opposite direction
do you even realize
how frustrating this is for me
granted I know your demeanor
was undoubtedly caused by me
but from day one
I have dealt with transparency
like nothing… easily

we both put ourselves out there
we took a path that most wouldnt adhere
is it wrong to doubt even for a little bit
that this was wrong
can’t I fall victim to negative thinking
can I not be human
can I not look at other women

just so we can focus
can I not have friends
my one and only…

its like you try to take so much from me
somethings are just as special
just as dear to me as you and me
how can you not be first
when everything else has to come after you

I tend to our family everyday
our needs our securities
I have no family without you
friends in close proximity
but you accuse me
of putting others before you
I really don’t know what to do

this mud of us
I am stuck
I am suffocated without anyone trying
applying to understand
I don’t understand

*****

This should probably be called “Pages from my Diary” but I had said before that the “Thoughts” category would be filled with writings that are really me going through the motions of writing. To write. Sometimes I can’t write the next thing until I write these things that weigh heavy.

As Always…

Stay Positive!

“Before Walking In”

Posted by Da Absentee on March 20, 2013

The attempt now is to rid the air
the space up there in my head
the nervousness and anticipation is setting in
I can feel the knots trying to tighten
my back stiffening
I feel like i`m in the 3rd person
looking in, moving on
but not in motion
I will not lose focus
I will never be hopeless
they have gathered to pick my brain
break me apart
examine a few parts
find how I tick
its hard not being fake
its hard knowing, realizing
that what you’re saying is not bullshit
I come with aspirations of progress, of knowledge, time well spent
can I convey my intent
show my time WAS well spent
like I said…
an attempt.
Right now, was to clear the mind
before i`m torn and disassembled to bits
I will walk in with the mind frame…
I got this …

*****

I was interviewing for a new position at work. I didn’t get the job but it was well worth the experience. It was a great interruption to the norm. I didn’t expect to get the job. Even after the second interview. All in all I had fun going through the process.