Everywhere I Go…


Everywhere I go
No matter where I go
I know I take you with me…

wherever I go
no matter where I go
I know your here with me…

I live our memories
I carry you in my heart
wherever I go…

your always with me
everywhere I go
wherever I go…

unbeknownst the layers are thick
bloodline carry unique demographic

roads traveled; long
I don`t understand the words
automatic somethings we build on

heart in tune
the rhythm to my spine
I understand… undeniable time

working all day
with stress piling on
caffeinated drink in my hand
that’s not going cut it for too long
got you on my back telling me I’m wrong
feel like a slave
and I need me a song
cuz im here holding on
and with that said “I’m goin carry on”

you left me in the flames of the day light
knowing you weren’t going to extinguish me by night
seeking for at least one way to get right
but I`m alright

and I see and I know
i`m at peace with no fear
i`m ready to go
the devil is calling
my clock ticks slow
clouds ride and sit low…

everywhere i go…

© Da Absentee 2012

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“Tell You Why…”


What has happen since the beginning…
whatever it is
it’s different
now and then; back then;
all I wanted was more “intense” 
put anyone on the floor
feel you from a thousand miles away
to pick up the phone to say”I can hear when you thinking of me”

6th sense love
have it now…
yet

can’t find the rainbow;
can’t touch the pot of gold …Description changing

about to unfold,
become undone.
looking at it…
I “told” myself you were the one.I didn’t want to be fake,

so I threw my heart in & gave it my all
now i`m so engrossed…
I don’t, I know, I can’t fall…
For everyone’s sake.
I hold and support everything…
Who am I
degrade the work & blessings given to me…
my family?I have let it be known…

I don’t want to continue this.
Be a part of this life we have created…
I can’t tell you why…Why you love me so much;

I know you do…
I have transformed your being.
Even if you didn’t tell me
I knew
I`ve loved you how every woman needs
would want to be loved.
Turned your whole panoramic view around,
encouraged,
bared more than asked of me.I can’t tell you why?

If I want to be me…

Because nowadays
when I think of me
I don’t like me
matter of fact
I’m not even me
caught myself being fake to me
Can you tell me why?
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© Da Absentee 2011
As Always…
Stay Positive!

“Mindless Reaching…”


Thoughts revolving
attempt at problem solving
constant revolution
to bring about
solution
drift with confusion
relations, figures and facts
odds & ends
a way to always back track
foreshadow & what could have been
stitches in time
stitches in seams
disappointment with enlightenment
north flowing streams
forgotten things
dangles
from unattached strings…

© Da Absentee 2011

*****

Looking deep inside to see what I can find…

As Always…

Stay Positive!

“My Mother – 1”


scene

 

I survey the scene

one like this doesn’t take hours to make

this is dedication and planning

a labor of love that’s too demanding

too fierce

too free

she needs some restriction

because this is crazy…

I told her that she needs to downsize

she just laughed at me

christmas all year

and you’re not a christmas store

the floor like this

this is a hoard

a stash

decorations and bows

wreaths and garlands

curtains and china…

talk about service

she could cater the democrat

and republican conventions

all on the same night

the collection of silverware and plates

enormous…

this can’t be sane

half the time

I never plan on staying for more than 4 nights

its move this

pack this

place this here

did you run the errands

and my tools

they around here somewhere…

she have the house so done up

its more like bound to me

boxes and chairs

mattresses and  don’t you dear forget

the christmas trees

of her own creation

her own application

and methodic fabrication

2 ten foot

2 eight foot

2 six-foot

strategically placed…

decorated and laden

to the T

don’t mess with this woman

when she is in the zone

she is a robot

a drone

if she could

you would marvel at what this almost 70-year-old

could do

on her own

the woman has no fear…

I stand and hate

but admire the clutter I see

how can I just ignore this woman

she has done so much for me

i`m glad she` s my mother

but this unbelievable

sometimes senseless hobby

has to cease…

.

Da Absentee © 2011

*****

I really don’t put people in my family into writing, but sometimes it’s the only thing i can do. She has a problem that no one else wants to call her on. (talking about my siblings) I have told her it’s a waste. No one is going to continue this after she’s gone. It’s time to leave it alone.

As Always…

Stay Positive!

“Thinking Clearly Ahead…”


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I close my eyes…
I breathe out…
I clear my thoughts…
Or at least I think I do.

Tormenting thoughts…
Creep slow.
I feel them gearing to get the best of me…

I play music in my background…
Undertaking to drain the devilish deducing…
They are beckoning me…
So loudly calling me…

Testing me…
Taunting me to lose my cool.
To yell and scream back at the bullshit…
The obstacles and adversaries.

How? Why?
Questions I ask on a daily regimen…
Is it worth the object which I pretend.
I need an ear…
I hope someone can lend…

I laugh at how.
I only take up this pen…
When I feel so close to reaching my rope’s end.

I focus…
I am in an attempt to leave all the negative…
Here on this page…

Take this life built cage…

To transform it into a catapulting stage…

© Da Absentee 2013

*****

A moment of feeling irate about this life…

As Always…

Stay Positive!

“In A Small Space”


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Plenty or a lot,
some or a little left to go
I don’t really know
seems like someone always has somewhere important to go
its times like this
tight recycled air
germs percolate from who knows where
in crowded spaces
unknown faces to distant places
like vultures circle ready to feed
If they succeed at the task ahead
resting bed
pillow, sheets and seats for weary heads
let’s get this day going
so we can bring it to its end
do it right the first time
so we don’t have to do again
i`m already far from home
so I don’t need to pretend
just use this silence to pick up my pen
traffic moves fast-slow
wind blows as I sit
inspiration flows
all waiting for transportation I suppose
who knows why the auto goes
17 in taught circulation
all with hesitation
waiting to arrive at destinations
I have no idea why we are waiting
watching everything go by the window
thinking of what all it could be
after all the time spent
we look for the right pursuit
the right suit, the right shoes
the don’t
the do`s
even the who`s
repentance and purges
subsiding the uncontrollable urges
humanitarian and national service
I don’t see the difference
nor instance
detailing on edge and hanging from railings
knowing i`m living with
fear of failing 

© Da Absentee 2012

*****

This was written while  in a greyhound bus waiting for new passengers from transfers. These are just thoughts of how or why in this moment  we 17 people ended up together, in this small space…

As Always…

Stay Positive!

“Next To You…”


Broken Glass

I’m lost
I’m torn
I’m troubled
I see if I can escape
Escape
To places where I should not be
I can’t return
Crossed over
Crossed that place in time
Crossed
Crossed that line
I know where I want to be
Know where I need to be
It’s not the same as where I am
Or where I should be
Fragments of me
Lost in memory
Dreaming
Thoughts
My thoughts
Not perfect
I long for the past
The present can stay
I think of those choice days
I could reconfigure
To change my steps
Realign what I need to do
So I can end up…

Next to you…

© Da Absentee 2013

*****

Dedicated to the “Ones” who got away! It’s the whole go back in time and “What would I do different?” question. It’s me telling my past love that I didn’t even know I had; of the desire to change history to be with them. It’s the sadness that comes with knowing that such things will and cannot ever happen…???

As Always…

Stay Positive!