Author Archives: Da Absentee

9 – I Wish

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I wish we all had more than enough
More than material wealth
I wish we could take care of ourselves
With so much to lose and so much to gain
can’t we all be friends
Wish i could talk to my fallen again
I wish i didn’t fit a profile
I wish the system would stop with the lies
I live in the land of the free
but when it comes to air…
It feels like they tryna take it away from me…
I wish to silence all the tears
Dry all the cries
I wish we could try.
Love each other And kiss the hate goodbye…

© Da Absentee 2013

As always…

Stay Positive!

0 – What I Don’t Know

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The answers to the questions of my world lie within these pages
within these lines, within another time
I can`t answer or find them now
these choice words are just being written
in mass confusion, in a mask of confusion

I lock my heart expeditiously,
I make nothing seen; I don’t leave a mark that would betray me
I see the monsters, see the monster
the one I created… in turn created me
I am what I think… I think to create…

Life is too short
to dwell on
from and through my mistakes
must adapt, must move on
consider new states
these words, these lines
my escape…

© Da Absentee 2014

As Always…

Stay Positive!

5 – Scribbles – 37

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you left me in the flames of the day light
knowing you weren’t going to extinguish me by night
seeking for at least one way to get right
I see and I know
I’m at peace with the no
i stay ready to go
the devil is calling
my clock ticks slow – falling
clouds ride and sit low, your rain stalling

0 – Lost

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 Streetlight

Wanting to be better
that’s why we see people like this – therapist
hash out emotions rarely spoken
hash out feelings off base from token
“lost…”
I wish I  was joking
I see walls being broken
using sleep to escape depression
using work to get out aggression
cautious walking in “my own state of minds” library section
how did I get here…
little recollection
lost in moments of self inspection
lost in the instances
lost in the seconds
is there any detection – “any misdirection?”
searching for a glimpse of connection
lost in a warm Colorado breeze
lost in its seclusion – “lost in my own illusion”
lost because I don’t care
is this getting somewhere
do the eyes on the other side
even comprehend with this share
“lost”
because I purposely left myself out there…

© Da Absentee 2012

*****

This is a reminder to myself. The mood captured in this is the reason I end every post with Stay Positive.

The negative is always right around the corner…

As Always…

Stay Positive!

0 – Ahead

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Traveling to a bridge
half way across this bridge
realize the foundation is paper
certified – stamped – engineered – proceed
continue at some prescribed prior speed
before stepping off the bridge
remember what was taught
what was experienced
What was said
take those final steps
so that you can embark on the new road ahead

© Da Absentee 2012 revised 2024

*****

One look at life…

As Always…

Stay Positive!

2 – I Can’t Tell You Why

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“What has happened since the beginning…”
whatever it is
it’s different
now and then; back then;
all I wanted was more “intense” 
put anyone on the floor
feel you from a thousand miles away
to pick up the phone to say
“I can hear when you thinking of me”
6th sense love
have it now…
yet I can’t find the rainbow;
can’t touch the pot of gold …
All of the descriptions are changing
everything about to unfold,
become undone.
looking at it…
I “told” myself you were the one.
I didn’t want to be fake,
so I threw my heart in & gave it my all
now i`m so engrossed…
I don’t, I know, I can’t fall…
For everyone’s sake.
I hold and support everything…
“Who am I to degrade the work & blessings given to me…”
my family? I have let it be known…
I don’t want to continue this.
Be a part of this life we have created…
I can’t tell you why…
Why you love me so much;
I know you do…
I have transformed your being.
Even if you didn’t tell me
“I knew”
I`ve loved you how every woman needs
how “I believe” one would want to be loved.
Turned your whole panoramic view around,
encouraged,
bared more than asked of me.
I can’t tell you why?
“Do I want to be me…”
Because nowadays
when I think of me
I don’t like me
neglected parts
matter of fact
“I’m not even me”
caught myself being fake to me
Can you tell me why?
© Da Absentee 2011 revised 2024
As Always…
Stay Positive!

2 – Promised

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rings

I to you
plans to unfold 
stability 
infinite as mathematics
traceable with repeat-ability
someone to confide
dreams, secrets, aspirations
appreciate your dark-side
understand who you are
inside
not bound
by law or regulation

I to you
stand and stick by you
there to our end
as shadows…
complementing instruments
an ensemble…
friends

I promise now – promised then
if it comes down to it
or ever forgotten
I’ll remind and promise it
again…

© Da Absentee 2011 revised 2024

 

As Always…
Stay Positive!

9 – Who Are You Really

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your life is not suppose to be this hard?
really?..
who said it was supposed to be easy?
who said everything is going to go as planned?
matter of fact!
who told you, you were going to get everything you want?
who are you to ask for more than you need?
what work have you put in?
where is your provisions?
where have you paid dues?
what makes you think you can fill someone else shoes?
just because you think & say you want to…

© Da Absentee 2013

As Always…

Stay Positive!

8 – Mother

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scene

I survey the scene

one like this doesn’t take hours to make

this is dedication and planning

a labor of love that’s too demanding

too fierce

too free

she needs some restriction

because this is crazy…

I told her that she needs to downsize

she just laughed at me

christmas all year

and you’re not a christmas store

the floor like this

this is a hoard

a stash

decorations and bows

wreaths and garlands

curtains and china…

talk about service

she could cater the democrat

and republican conventions

all on the same night

the collection of silverware and plates

enormous…

this can’t be sane

half the time

I never plan on staying for more than 4 nights

its move this

pack this

place this here

did you run the errands

and my tools

they around here somewhere…

she have the house so done up

it’s more like bound to me

boxes and chairs

mattresses and  don’t you dear forget

the christmas trees

of her own creation

her own application

and methodic fabrication

2 ten foot

2 eight foot

2 six-foot

strategically placed…

decorated and laden

to the T

don’t mess with this woman

when she is in the zone

she is a robot

a drone

if she could

you would marvel at what this almost 70-year-old

could do

on her own

the woman has no fear…

I stand and hate

but admire the clutter I see

how can I just ignore this woman

she has done so much for me

i`m glad she’s my mother

but this unbelievable

sometimes senseless hobby

has to cease…

.

Da Absentee © 2011

*****

I normally don’t put people in my family into writing, but sometimes it’s the only thing i can do. She has a problem that no one else wants to call her on. (talking about my siblings) I have told her it’s a waste. No one is going to continue this after she’s gone. It’s time to leave it alone.

As Always…

Stay Positive!

0 – Thoughts – 22

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thoughts

As my years seem to go by
I look in the reflection to smirk
battled far, battled long
I fight hard and seem to always carry a song
sometimes that seems to strike me empty
I miss my love
wish I had more family to share my love
I have been torn, broken
it seems I was always on a track
to be outspoken from the clan
I see my brother
don’t understand how he went wrong
I speak to my sister,
I just wanna shake her
scream at her “whats wrong?”
We all can’t be the same line
that my parents, who love to say they spent money on
I laugh, 
I really have lost the lust for it
too bad the thing about my birthdays
as far as I can remember
I have always felt solemn like this

© Da Absentee 2012 revised 2024

“As Always…. Stay Positive!”

Birthday: 3/9

9 – I’m Goin Carry On

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unbeknownst the layers are thick
bloodline carry unique demographic

long roads traveled
I don`t understand the words of this world
automatic somethings we build on with quiet things heard

heart in tune
the rhythm to my spine
I understand… undeniable time

working all day with stress piling on
caffeinated drink in my hand
that’s not going cut it for too long
got you on my back telling me I’m wrong
a servant need of a song
however i’m here holding on…
“I’m goin carry on”

© Da Absentee 2024

“As Always…. Stay Positive!”

5 – Fill My Drift

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These days
my thoughts always drift to you. Imagining how you feel.
The right courses of touch.
Your taste and how I could touch.
Bask in the details
and the curves of your tail.
Floating on air of in/exhale.
How to lead you to bliss.
These are the only things that nowadays…
fill my drift…

© Da Absentee 2014 revised 2024

As Always…
Stay positive!

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2 – For What It’s Worth

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For what it’s worth
I think I was put here to save your life
it may have been a hell of a ride
i probably have too many things to reconcile
but it was worth it

for what it’s worth
i gave love that you refuse to acknowledge or comprehend
its worth every ounce because it wasn’t pretend
i wasn’t with you forever
but that love will be with you until your end

for what it’s worth
if you know better do better
everyone can’t be lead actor and/or director
and for what it’s worth
some words shouldn’t…
Can`t…
Be on the same page together

© Da Absentee 2012 revised 2024

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