0 – What I Don’t Know


The answers to the questions of my world lie within these pages
within these lines, within another time
I can`t answer or find them now
these choice words are just being written
in mass confusion, in a mask of confusion

I lock my heart expeditiously,
I make nothing seen; I don’t leave a mark that would betray me
I see the monsters, see the monster
the one I created… in turn created me
I am what I think… I think to create…

Life is too short
to dwell on
from and through my mistakes
must adapt, must move on
consider new states
these words, these lines
my escape…

© Da Absentee 2014

As Always…

Stay Positive!

0 – Lost


 Streetlight

Wanting to be better
that’s why we see people like this – therapist
hash out emotions rarely spoken
hash out feelings off base from token
“lost…”
I wish I  was joking
I see walls being broken
using sleep to escape depression
using work to get out aggression
cautious walking in “my own state of minds” library section
how did I get here…
little recollection
lost in moments of self inspection
lost in the instances
lost in the seconds
is there any detection – “any misdirection?”
searching for a glimpse of connection
lost in a warm Colorado breeze
lost in its seclusion – “lost in my own illusion”
lost because I don’t care
is this getting somewhere
do the eyes on the other side
even comprehend with this share
“lost”
because I purposely left myself out there…

© Da Absentee 2012

*****

This is a reminder to myself. The mood captured in this is the reason I end every post with Stay Positive.

The negative is always right around the corner…

As Always…

Stay Positive!

0 – Ahead


Traveling to a bridge
half way across this bridge
realize the foundation is paper
certified – stamped – engineered – proceed
continue at some prescribed prior speed
before stepping off the bridge
remember what was taught
what was experienced
What was said
take those final steps
so that you can embark on the new road ahead

© Da Absentee 2012 revised 2024

*****

One look at life…

As Always…

Stay Positive!

0 – Realization


⬇️To remember who i am

My past has shown me a future

Finding myself in a process

I’m torn

It’s not settling right

Good & evil

My innards not properly lit

Too many shadows

Too many unfinished walls

Concrete pits

Shaky foundation

Unstable

In one too many directions

I’m lost in it

The unsettling

It doesn’t sit right

Haunted by my life

I can tell it’s gone

I know

I didn’t love it right

(now read line by line bottom to top)⬆️

© Da Absentee 2015 revised 2024

The words on this one just lays out nicely both ways… (this is not a palindrome)

As Always…

Stay Positive!

0 – Welcoming The End


I have grown or lived to my potential. ✨

As I am leaving this life; In my last moments I think about the world and what it has become.

I think of the things my elders have said and no matter how much I tried to ignore what they said.

I find myself quoting what they said. 🤦‍♂️

I think of my life. The good and bad and what it cost me to live the way I did.

The world has become so off track with what we as humans really need.

I am dying, the world is dying.

I already know that everything must come to an end, even me.

As I fade and enter eternal sleep…

©️Da Absentee 2024

⚱️ I have never feared death and never understood the desire to avoid it. It has always been clear to me that we all will face death, something beyond our control and inevitable for everyone. There are no exceptions, so why do some of us dread it?

As Always…

Stay Positive!

✨✨

0 – Slipping Away


Grown to a limit
Til out of sight
Disappointment
Cricket speaks; nothing comes cheap

Even if you don’t agree
Your story; my story is complete
We are lost
World no longer at our feet

Listen to it
The heartbeat
Slowing every minute
Sooner no later
Stops… fades

Pre-planned to disappear
Disperse, deceased, gone
No more together
No more alone
No more you or me
Peace…

Tranquility

© Da Absentee 2011 revised 2024

As Always…

Stay Positive!

0 – Thoughts – 28


thoughts

There is remorse in having to admit
The kinks in your armor are signs of weakness
Spilling out from your soul
Something hurtful to confess, A spot of soft flesh.

Putting everything on the line, putting “you” out in the open
You tell yourself these are riddles; that should be left unspoken.

Can you live with not being you. Truly…

Another ism or thing for the pile added to your self interrogation
On the subject or the mystery…

“Who Should I Be?..”

© Da Absentee 2015 revised 2024

As Always…
Stay Positive!

0 – Searching


A lonely ride…
most keep to themselves
keep what they are thinking
on the inside.

Imagine…
fine and dandy
one step to insanity
five steps from normal.

Wishing…
for good fortune
being needs to be nurtured
cared for; developed.

Clarity…
let go without a whim
unlock from within
bound in separation.

Few take this ride
tell what they have inside
can you think straight
battling through your test of faith

only time will tell
your tale
we don’t know
if evil or good will prevail…

© Da Absentee 2012

As Always…

Stay Positive!

 

0 – Fear Of Failure


It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.”
Theodore Roosevelt

Growing up in a household with business minded parents, I had become accustomed to disappointments, failures, bad ideas, horrible ideas and decisions. Which would cross into their everyday, family and business life. How it affected said lives and how they “kept it moving“. Yet even with so much hurdles, set by them or others. I never really saw it as a problem when it came for them to “get back on the horse“. They always learned, re-calculated and tried new ideas, looked at different versions, either updated and or reevaluated. My parents hit the drawing board with new-found vigor and was literally back at it the next available opportunity.

This is the type of thinking as a people we need and should make a constant requirement in our lives. We should have inherited what our fore fathers had without even thinking. Trail-blazers, explorers, immigrants who were not forced to be here the ones who set out across the oceans and continents to change their circumstances. It’s these people the ones before us; where “failure is not an option“.

My parents were always trying to guess or understand what the people wanted, before they remembered what they wanted, and didn’t know they wanted. They gave customers more choices than needed, which lead the people to decide to purchase (with a little encouragement of course). Through it all there were losses, then there were gains… I never really saw my parents let deterrents set them back or stop them dead in their tracks. The mission was always to get people in the door and to let them decide freely to spend their money. The saying in the shop was “Ok… we didn’t get it with THIS; let’s try to get them with THAT.”

In the world of today there are so many things we can fear as a people. We have been hit with obstacles all along the way from slavery, to racism, to poverty. All races are subject to adversity. The real death to us all (in my opinion) is “the fear of failure” or is it “the fear of success”. However you look at it; it’s the same thing. We use the same things to classify if we go after an undertaking. This simple way of thinking is one of our biggest setbacks from progress. We must be willing to react to what is thrown our way by life and circumstance and overcome. We must believe in ourselves. To know that we are capable and can be a presence, a force and a model for people to look at for inspiration.

Why do we let things, emotions and people deter us? Do we not believe in ourselves? Does the fear of someone’s opinion hold that much significance, or carry that much weight that we let it dictate how we operate? Is there something wrong with the way we perceive ourselves? Do we know what we want or where we want to be? How can we reach our full potential? What is wrong with succeeding? Do we really understand success?

Do we comprehend that without failures along the way to a goal; that we can never really learn, grow and succeed!

The only evaluation that should hold some gravity is “self evaluations” and the ones that help us learn positively; not in the opposite direction. We have been brought up in a society, that over and over again “That will never work” or “I told you so“. We as a people need a mindset and culture change. The determination and belief in oneself should be that no matter what “where there is a will; there is a way“.

We can not simply let someone just like us; hand us opinions, thoughts and reactions that influence our decisions, helps us make excuses and act as if we have electric fences to keep ourselves locked in.

Message I have:

Try; if you don’t succeed
try again
learn from mistakes,
grow from within.
Don’t let fear block your dreams,
don’t let what anyone has to say
prevent you from the win!

– Da Absentee –

As Always…

Stay Positive!

0 – Thoughts – 21


I don’t actually know when i hit rock bottom
i do know as the days go by
it seems that i hit it more often
it hits like the pit in my stomach
the clog of my throat
no blood pressure passing through my heart
the lost of life
I feels like pieces are ready to explode
grasping at air
Talking about suppressing
i find my therapy stressing, unrelenting, depressing
anxiety fleshing a quandary
i don’t even know if I’m dying
i never let things take me to an edge
a duck in water with every and all things
let it all run off my back
we can’t afford the extra weight
the hate, the despair
let it all become displaced 
but
no traveling, at this point 
nothing can’t take me somewhere
i’m trying to get far away
From this place that leads nowhere…

©️ Da Absentee 2013 revised 2024

0 – Evolution


I see the growth in me

I feel the growth in me

I see and feel the need…

To keep this growth with me

life moves at pace

Frigid yet fast paced

Depressing yet succession based

Upsets with love and lusts

Entombed, flower laced

Moving differently

Feeling the time

Feeling the difference

Seeing my time different

Living and dying

Same instant, Same movement

Expansion with confinement

Duress

Animation supports transition

From simple to complex…

© Da Absentee 2016 revised 2024
“As Always…. Stay Positive!”