2 – I Can’t Tell You Why

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“What has happened since the beginning…”
whatever it is
it’s different
now and then; back then;
all I wanted was more “intense” 
put anyone on the floor
feel you from a thousand miles away
to pick up the phone to say
“I can hear when you thinking of me”
6th sense love
have it now…
yet I can’t find the rainbow;
can’t touch the pot of gold …
All of the descriptions are changing
everything about to unfold,
become undone.
looking at it…
I “told” myself you were the one.
I didn’t want to be fake,
so I threw my heart in & gave it my all
now i`m so engrossed…
I don’t, I know, I can’t fall…
For everyone’s sake.
I hold and support everything…
“Who am I to degrade the work & blessings given to me…”
my family? I have let it be known…
I don’t want to continue this.
Be a part of this life we have created…
I can’t tell you why…
Why you love me so much;
I know you do…
I have transformed your being.
Even if you didn’t tell me
“I knew”
I`ve loved you how every woman needs
how “I believe” one would want to be loved.
Turned your whole panoramic view around,
encouraged,
bared more than asked of me.
I can’t tell you why?
“Do I want to be me…”
Because nowadays
when I think of me
I don’t like me
neglected parts
matter of fact
“I’m not even me”
caught myself being fake to me
Can you tell me why?
© Da Absentee 2011 revised 2024
As Always…
Stay Positive!

2 – Promised

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rings

I to you
plans to unfold 
stability 
infinite as mathematics
traceable with repeat-ability
someone to confide
dreams, secrets, aspirations
appreciate your dark-side
understand who you are
inside
not bound
by law or regulation

I to you
stand and stick by you
there to our end
as shadows…
complementing instruments
an ensemble…
friends

I promise now – promised then
if it comes down to it
or ever forgotten
I’ll remind and promise it
again…

© Da Absentee 2011 revised 2024

 

As Always…
Stay Positive!

9 – Who Are You Really

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your life is not suppose to be this hard?
really?..
who said it was supposed to be easy?
who said everything is going to go as planned?
matter of fact!
who told you, you were going to get everything you want?
who are you to ask for more than you need?
what work have you put in?
where is your provisions?
where have you paid dues?
what makes you think you can fill someone else shoes?
just because you think & say you want to…

© Da Absentee 2013

As Always…

Stay Positive!

8 – Mother

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scene

I survey the scene

one like this doesn’t take hours to make

this is dedication and planning

a labor of love that’s too demanding

too fierce

too free

she needs some restriction

because this is crazy…

I told her that she needs to downsize

she just laughed at me

christmas all year

and you’re not a christmas store

the floor like this

this is a hoard

a stash

decorations and bows

wreaths and garlands

curtains and china…

talk about service

she could cater the democrat

and republican conventions

all on the same night

the collection of silverware and plates

enormous…

this can’t be sane

half the time

I never plan on staying for more than 4 nights

its move this

pack this

place this here

did you run the errands

and my tools

they around here somewhere…

she have the house so done up

it’s more like bound to me

boxes and chairs

mattresses and  don’t you dear forget

the christmas trees

of her own creation

her own application

and methodic fabrication

2 ten foot

2 eight foot

2 six-foot

strategically placed…

decorated and laden

to the T

don’t mess with this woman

when she is in the zone

she is a robot

a drone

if she could

you would marvel at what this almost 70-year-old

could do

on her own

the woman has no fear…

I stand and hate

but admire the clutter I see

how can I just ignore this woman

she has done so much for me

i`m glad she’s my mother

but this unbelievable

sometimes senseless hobby

has to cease…

.

Da Absentee © 2011

*****

I normally don’t put people in my family into writing, but sometimes it’s the only thing i can do. She has a problem that no one else wants to call her on. (talking about my siblings) I have told her it’s a waste. No one is going to continue this after she’s gone. It’s time to leave it alone.

As Always…

Stay Positive!

0 – Thoughts – 22

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thoughts

As my years seem to go by
I look in the reflection to smirk
battled far, battled long
I fight hard and seem to always carry a song
sometimes that seems to strike me empty
I miss my love
wish I had more family to share my love
I have been torn, broken
it seems I was always on a track
to be outspoken from the clan
I see my brother
don’t understand how he went wrong
I speak to my sister,
I just wanna shake her
scream at her “whats wrong?”
We all can’t be the same line
that my parents, who love to say they spent money on
I laugh, 
I really have lost the lust for it
too bad the thing about my birthdays
as far as I can remember
I have always felt solemn like this

© Da Absentee 2012 revised 2024

“As Always…. Stay Positive!”

Birthday: 3/9

9 – I’m Goin Carry On

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unbeknownst the layers are thick
bloodline carry unique demographic

long roads traveled
I don`t understand the words of this world
automatic somethings we build on with quiet things heard

heart in tune
the rhythm to my spine
I understand… undeniable time

working all day with stress piling on
caffeinated drink in my hand
that’s not going cut it for too long
got you on my back telling me I’m wrong
a servant need of a song
however i’m here holding on…
“I’m goin carry on”

© Da Absentee 2024

“As Always…. Stay Positive!”

5 – Fill My Drift

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These days
my thoughts always drift to you. Imagining how you feel.
The right courses of touch.
Your taste and how I could touch.
Bask in the details
and the curves of your tail.
Floating on air of in/exhale.
How to lead you to bliss.
These are the only things that nowadays…
fill my drift…

© Da Absentee 2014 revised 2024

As Always…
Stay positive!

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2 – For What It’s Worth

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For what it’s worth
I think I was put here to save your life
it may have been a hell of a ride
i probably have too many things to reconcile
but it was worth it

for what it’s worth
i gave love that you refuse to acknowledge or comprehend
its worth every ounce because it wasn’t pretend
i wasn’t with you forever
but that love will be with you until your end

for what it’s worth
if you know better do better
everyone can’t be lead actor and/or director
and for what it’s worth
some words shouldn’t…
Can`t…
Be on the same page together

© Da Absentee 2012 revised 2024

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2 – Silence That Destroys

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The little things; seems to be the only things

that unravel our close knit seams

interrupt and dismantle our dreams

i’m at fault for my own uphill battles

it takes repetitive times to destroy something with a simple rattle

i’m at fault… for my own uphill battle…

I stretch my arms to the heavens and remain silent

it’s killing us;

my silence…

is it right to be this way to detour the fights

I don’t look forward to my nights

but I pray for my nights

in my city it rarely rains

but when it pours; it never drains

i stand in a rising pool; to be submerged

Im colliding with the action

im unresponsive to the urge

we can’t communicate without throwing words…

© Da Absentee 2015 revised 2024

As Always…

Stay Positive!

2 – Thoughts – 24

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IMG_0299

I’m really

Really

trying to ground myself in reality

Keep telling me

asking me

whats wrong with me

Im solid, im straight

What I need

what I believe is 2 different things

I need my own peace.

What I believe

We shouldn’t fall apart because of material

But material is what i need

to continue to provide the cereal

The material is what provides the shelter

Material keeps the kids in school

Keep this internet and the cable

you can’t sit in this house without on.

It keeps the car note paid

Keeps the car on the road

sorry if

I’m caught up in the material thread

I’m sorry

if it’s the only thing that’s filling my head

Bond and strength

At this rate

I might as well be dead…

© Da Absentee 2015 revised 2024

As Always…

Stay Positive!

6 – She’s Beautiful

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dplogo

Yes I am
An identity all my own.

I am X & Y

at the same time

Boxed by the ignorant,

shallow minded and feeble

I have no self-esteem issues

Nothing wrong with me

Nothing wrong with the collection of things

I call “self”

self-concept

Nothing askew with my personality

faults are in my environment

I can

I will

rule the world

Positive

Guide to the new century

The world is in its place

where it needs to be

Revolving around me

They say I lost my “voice”

To attract the boys

Lost & misplaced myself

to gain appeal

Stifling my opinions, interests & self worth

We know

I know

esteem grows as I grow

I am far from fragile

Not conflicted

I am not fraud

Who dares to say “I… am worthless”

I am not ambivalent

I have a higher moral resolve than all these boys

more ethical

I can express my opinions

I share what I am thinking

Express what’s important to me

Essential to the blueprint of the future

Humankind

Share what’s on my mind

I can be the cause of wars

Transformed into a muse

Suffered the timeless abuse

With a voice stronger than some

Initial instinctual protection

I own my intelligence

Dabble in appearance

That man can not produce

What I speak becomes truth

One day

They will look and say…

She’s beautiful…

© Da Absentee 2015

As Always…

Stay Positive!

9 – Thoughts – 26

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thoughts

It all passes. The realization of it all. This life is a walking, living contradiction battle. A duality lesson. Everything is real & fake at the same time. So…

I take this ride every now and then. When I close my eyes momentarily, I steal moments. Stealing moments from the reality I have constructed; stealing moments from everything as they steal my moments…

We do this dance of real & fake. Tit for tat. I hit you, you hit me back. Just enough, insuring that we are not lost. I’m pretty sure I have paid some piper. All that he is owed. He has given all he could show…

Doing this gives unusual discomfort. What should be the use of my time?…

I claim I am man. I claim I am who I am…

Yet still…

I claim to be so much more. I want…

I need…

So much more than before…

© Da Absentee 2015 revised 2024

As Always…

Stay Positive!

2 – Golden

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Silent behind 4 walls
sunrise, cool night breeze lingers in the window.
eventful day, schedule shows
first
back & forth silhouettes erode
breakfast, clean and launder clothes
buttery eggs with toast on salty lips
days off
no face
no clock ticks
work indoors as the day glows
some skin exposed.
Turning
transition clears
turns
you turn me…
we clean
every which way
reflection cleaner to class the day
you’re in solid form
almost norm
fluff all the right places
just my height
just my taste
you know you just my shape
fruit salad
your just my plate
wait…
landscape…
wax. polish. spit. shine.
with a slow song written all over your face
back to the salad
green tart grapes
easy music listening
dishes sparkling
shot-in gin
on a lazy day
stirred not shake-in
regular wash
hardly starched
don’t need you done up
just lightly dressed
sandals, panties, bra, worn sundress
not going nowhere so you can skip the rest
hints and quips
never speech
silent but understood
bending. sweeping. standing on feet.
I just stare…
everything else ..
obsolete
smell of fresh clean laundry fills the air
kid searching…
find them nowhere
just me & you
you & me
I & you
you & I
lovely how the time turtles by
quick snack
20 minute adult nap
barter nick knacks
warm popsicle for a hot snatch
then calibrate the rest of the day
just to relax.
sun floats down
while the night falls
and finally we drift
silent
behind 4 walls…

Da Absentee © 2011

**********

When I wrote this, I was in the middle of  a mini vacation where it so happen that the wife and I were able to spend the day alone. without the kids “enjoying ourselves”.

Check out the audio link below >>

SoundCloud: “Golden”

 

6 – She’s Beautiful – update

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IN MY EMAIL TODAY!!

One of my followers dropped me a special gift. She recorded and sent me a copy of her version of “She’s Beautiful”

I am so honored and humbled by her showing her support. Proud; to feel that I have inspired someone with my words. Thanks Smitten!

You can connect and follow Smitten on her >> Blog <<

Smitten’s Blog is 100% personal sharing her life as she sees fit. You are forewarned that she can have explicit material but it is totally worth your wild to be drawn into and share in her world.

So join me by giving her a SHOUTOUT!! On a job well done! You can listen to Smitten’s rendition in the player below!…

As Always…
Stay Positive!