Tag Archives: 2 – My 1st Wife

2 – I Can’t Tell You Why

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“What has happened since the beginning…”
whatever it is
it’s different
now and then; back then;
all I wanted was more “intense” 
put anyone on the floor
feel you from a thousand miles away
to pick up the phone to say
“I can hear when you thinking of me”
6th sense love
have it now…
yet I can’t find the rainbow;
can’t touch the pot of gold …
All of the descriptions are changing
everything about to unfold,
become undone.
looking at it…
I “told” myself you were the one.
I didn’t want to be fake,
so I threw my heart in & gave it my all
now i`m so engrossed…
I don’t, I know, I can’t fall…
For everyone’s sake.
I hold and support everything…
“Who am I to degrade the work & blessings given to me…”
my family? I have let it be known…
I don’t want to continue this.
Be a part of this life we have created…
I can’t tell you why…
Why you love me so much;
I know you do…
I have transformed your being.
Even if you didn’t tell me
“I knew”
I`ve loved you how every woman needs
how “I believe” one would want to be loved.
Turned your whole panoramic view around,
encouraged,
bared more than asked of me.
I can’t tell you why?
“Do I want to be me…”
Because nowadays
when I think of me
I don’t like me
neglected parts
matter of fact
“I’m not even me”
caught myself being fake to me
Can you tell me why?
© Da Absentee 2011 revised 2024
As Always…
Stay Positive!

2 – Promised

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rings

I to you
plans to unfold 
stability 
infinite as mathematics
traceable with repeat-ability
someone to confide
dreams, secrets, aspirations
appreciate your dark-side
understand who you are
inside
not bound
by law or regulation

I to you
stand and stick by you
there to our end
as shadows…
complementing instruments
an ensemble…
friends

I promise now – promised then
if it comes down to it
or ever forgotten
I’ll remind and promise it
again…

© Da Absentee 2011 revised 2024

 

As Always…
Stay Positive!

2 – For What It’s Worth

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For what it’s worth
I think I was put here to save your life
it may have been a hell of a ride
i probably have too many things to reconcile
but it was worth it

for what it’s worth
i gave love that you refuse to acknowledge or comprehend
its worth every ounce because it wasn’t pretend
i wasn’t with you forever
but that love will be with you until your end

for what it’s worth
if you know better do better
everyone can’t be lead actor and/or director
and for what it’s worth
some words shouldn’t…
Can`t…
Be on the same page together

© Da Absentee 2012 revised 2024

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2 – Silence That Destroys

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The little things; seems to be the only things

that unravel our close knit seams

interrupt and dismantle our dreams

i’m at fault for my own uphill battles

it takes repetitive times to destroy something with a simple rattle

i’m at fault… for my own uphill battle…

I stretch my arms to the heavens and remain silent

it’s killing us;

my silence…

is it right to be this way to detour the fights

I don’t look forward to my nights

but I pray for my nights

in my city it rarely rains

but when it pours; it never drains

i stand in a rising pool; to be submerged

Im colliding with the action

im unresponsive to the urge

we can’t communicate without throwing words…

© Da Absentee 2015 revised 2024

As Always…

Stay Positive!

2 – Thoughts – 24

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I’m really

Really

trying to ground myself in reality

Keep telling me

asking me

whats wrong with me

Im solid, im straight

What I need

what I believe is 2 different things

I need my own peace.

What I believe

We shouldn’t fall apart because of material

But material is what i need

to continue to provide the cereal

The material is what provides the shelter

Material keeps the kids in school

Keep this internet and the cable

you can’t sit in this house without on.

It keeps the car note paid

Keeps the car on the road

sorry if

I’m caught up in the material thread

I’m sorry

if it’s the only thing that’s filling my head

Bond and strength

At this rate

I might as well be dead…

© Da Absentee 2015 revised 2024

As Always…

Stay Positive!

2 – Golden

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Silent behind 4 walls
sunrise, cool night breeze lingers in the window.
eventful day, schedule shows
first
back & forth silhouettes erode
breakfast, clean and launder clothes
buttery eggs with toast on salty lips
days off
no face
no clock ticks
work indoors as the day glows
some skin exposed.
Turning
transition clears
turns
you turn me…
we clean
every which way
reflection cleaner to class the day
you’re in solid form
almost norm
fluff all the right places
just my height
just my taste
you know you just my shape
fruit salad
your just my plate
wait…
landscape…
wax. polish. spit. shine.
with a slow song written all over your face
back to the salad
green tart grapes
easy music listening
dishes sparkling
shot-in gin
on a lazy day
stirred not shake-in
regular wash
hardly starched
don’t need you done up
just lightly dressed
sandals, panties, bra, worn sundress
not going nowhere so you can skip the rest
hints and quips
never speech
silent but understood
bending. sweeping. standing on feet.
I just stare…
everything else ..
obsolete
smell of fresh clean laundry fills the air
kid searching…
find them nowhere
just me & you
you & me
I & you
you & I
lovely how the time turtles by
quick snack
20 minute adult nap
barter nick knacks
warm popsicle for a hot snatch
then calibrate the rest of the day
just to relax.
sun floats down
while the night falls
and finally we drift
silent
behind 4 walls…

Da Absentee © 2011

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When I wrote this, I was in the middle of  a mini vacation where it so happen that the wife and I were able to spend the day alone. without the kids “enjoying ourselves”.

Check out the audio link below >>

SoundCloud: “Golden”

 

2 – Haven’t Succeeded

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I can’t talk to you…

Not for not; wanting to talk to you
Not for wanting to ignore you
It’s how much I have disappointed you.

What can I say that would make up…
The heartache; The headache. I caused.

I believe; I deserve your love
I haven’t shown you;  I deserve your love.

What can I do to show you…
I know how to love you right…
I’m sorry…

I know this has not been easy.
The stress; the ups and downs.
Worrying about the bills. Worrying about this life.
Worrying about me.

Time not spending time with you.
I just haven’t.
Why?
I really don’t know why. I try and plan. Something comes up.

Am I making excuses with this about this life…
This life just is.

You deserve more than something small.
I couldn’t even give you that.
You don’t; we don’t need all of that
I just want it to be sincere
Truth & Simple & Rare

I thought I could be the man you needed. 

It’s all in that last line…
Even though it’s just that…

I haven’t succeeded…

© Da Absentee 2015 revised 2024

As Always…

Stay Positive!

2 – I Wanted To Say Something

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Don’t let this world; or anyone play with your head.
That includes you…
Don’t let the world or others; influence how you see yourself
.
Stop shunning yourself;
doubting yourself
no one should love you
more than you love yourself
.
Sleep is uncomfortable
Turning is not the same as change
You are not unreasonable
.
Right now… You are irreplaceable
Someone knows your beautiful
Skin color, blemishes, stretch marks and dark spots;
The thin, thick or in between you
No matter how you look
someone has love to give you
.
Somewhere
the only thing to get is love in return
Stop asking yourself
Who would, who could
love me, want me
.
Feel secure in you
Even after months of dedicated work
On being a better you
Do you say to yourself?
“I love you”
.
You are monetary
Unavailable
You are stability
The world’s falling apart
Yet in it your insurance and safety
.
You’re sanctuary
Days run smooth; make this world make sense
Never give you up, know what you have
Comprehend what’s worth fighting for
.
You worry about being a mom
Being better than yours
Loving better than yours
Letting her know you love her…
She knows
.
Just be you
Live with you
Live with this life you made
Its yours after all
.
You are
independent, strong…
.
You can leave a legacy.
Working hard alone is never wrong….
.
© Da Absentee 2016 revised 2024
.
As Always…
Stay Positive!

2 – We Should Be

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I`m confused; misplaced the love wrapped up in you
Can it be used
Even salvaged

Everything can be going right then we make a left
And we wrong
Possibly summed up in a sappy, silly love song
Replaced by everyday existence
Trial, tribulation.
Trouble and a dollar

I know you hurt
I see you cry
Even tho no tears are shed
I see it in your eyes
Your scared and its dark outside
The wheels will turn to get us out of there.
Out of here…

Despair…

Get us somewhere, someplace
We should be.
A tad more vibrant
A drop more bold
Someplace where our union can focus and hold
Become an affirmation for others to see example of real

And fantasy…

© Da Absentee 2012

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Every couple has their disagreements. Even in adverse times we all should have the goal to be better in everything we do or are a part of. We all want and deserve the best.

You can listen right here>>

As Always…

Stay Positive!

2 – Getting Nowhere

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On being a mother;

i shelter and protect, put there needs first

i lose myself and i lose respect.

this is how i became me

i am alone

so where has it gotten me

On being a wife

i gave him all of my life

i am a shadow of my former self

and he dares to tell me

i am not myself

this is how i became me

i am support

but where has it gotten me

On being a friend

i encourage and share my secrets with them

i lose trust and they unbalance my zen

and they say i act like

i am better than them

this is how i became me

i am therapist

but where has it gotten me

On being a co-worker

i work hard and play for the team

i get stepped on and passed over

i am depressed and never listened to

this is how i became me

i am angry

but where has it gotten me

On being me

I give the world a part of me

but i am shunned

and questioned, never given a second look

yet i give life, i give love

i think i am the lady, i am suppose to be

quiet, strong and forgiving

but with all this

this is how i became me

i am an unhappy me

but where has it gotten me?

©️Da Absentee 2011 revised 2024

“Perspective Change”

(Image found on Google added filter)

As Always…

Stay Positive!!