1 – Dilemma


Clean page
blank slate
don’t know how words form
but they end up in place

this life. my life.
2 wrongs after 1 right
so i’m moving…
just in the wrong direction?

i hold onto them
they make me feel
feel like me
only feeling that holds true to me

i’ve been in my own shadow
for too long
i don’t know who I really am
pondering if i belong

they keep me sane
they give me hope
they help me withstand the fire
instead of disappear in smoke

i see light (1) – she is the future
i see dark (2) – he has the torment of the past
i see soul (3) – he will remain enlightened as his namesake
i see flesh (4) – she is “us” all

Do they see me?…
Do I see myself?…

I love them, like I love me.

©Da Absentee 2012 revised 2024

0 – Fear Of Failure


It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.”
Theodore Roosevelt

Growing up in a household with business minded parents, I had become accustomed to disappointments, failures, bad ideas, horrible ideas and decisions. Which would cross into their everyday, family and business life. How it affected said lives and how they “kept it moving“. Yet even with so much hurdles, set by them or others. I never really saw it as a problem when it came for them to “get back on the horse“. They always learned, re-calculated and tried new ideas, looked at different versions, either updated and or reevaluated. My parents hit the drawing board with new-found vigor and was literally back at it the next available opportunity.

This is the type of thinking as a people we need and should make a constant requirement in our lives. We should have inherited what our fore fathers had without even thinking. Trail-blazers, explorers, immigrants who were not forced to be here the ones who set out across the oceans and continents to change their circumstances. It’s these people the ones before us; where “failure is not an option“.

My parents were always trying to guess or understand what the people wanted, before they remembered what they wanted, and didn’t know they wanted. They gave customers more choices than needed, which lead the people to decide to purchase (with a little encouragement of course). Through it all there were losses, then there were gains… I never really saw my parents let deterrents set them back or stop them dead in their tracks. The mission was always to get people in the door and to let them decide freely to spend their money. The saying in the shop was “Ok… we didn’t get it with THIS; let’s try to get them with THAT.”

In the world of today there are so many things we can fear as a people. We have been hit with obstacles all along the way from slavery, to racism, to poverty. All races are subject to adversity. The real death to us all (in my opinion) is “the fear of failure” or is it “the fear of success”. However you look at it; it’s the same thing. We use the same things to classify if we go after an undertaking. This simple way of thinking is one of our biggest setbacks from progress. We must be willing to react to what is thrown our way by life and circumstance and overcome. We must believe in ourselves. To know that we are capable and can be a presence, a force and a model for people to look at for inspiration.

Why do we let things, emotions and people deter us? Do we not believe in ourselves? Does the fear of someone’s opinion hold that much significance, or carry that much weight that we let it dictate how we operate? Is there something wrong with the way we perceive ourselves? Do we know what we want or where we want to be? How can we reach our full potential? What is wrong with succeeding? Do we really understand success?

Do we comprehend that without failures along the way to a goal; that we can never really learn, grow and succeed!

The only evaluation that should hold some gravity is “self evaluations” and the ones that help us learn positively; not in the opposite direction. We have been brought up in a society, that over and over again “That will never work” or “I told you so“. We as a people need a mindset and culture change. The determination and belief in oneself should be that no matter what “where there is a will; there is a way“.

We can not simply let someone just like us; hand us opinions, thoughts and reactions that influence our decisions, helps us make excuses and act as if we have electric fences to keep ourselves locked in.

Message I have:

Try; if you don’t succeed
try again
learn from mistakes,
grow from within.
Don’t let fear block your dreams,
don’t let what anyone has to say
prevent you from the win!

– Da Absentee –

As Always…

Stay Positive!

0 – Thoughts – 21


I don’t actually know when i hit rock bottom
i do know as the days go by
it seems that i hit it more often
it hits like the pit in my stomach
the clog of my throat
no blood pressure passing through my heart
the lost of life
I feels like pieces are ready to explode
grasping at air
Talking about suppressing
i find my therapy stressing, unrelenting, depressing
anxiety fleshing a quandary
i don’t even know if I’m dying
i never let things take me to an edge
a duck in water with every and all things
let it all run off my back
we can’t afford the extra weight
the hate, the despair
let it all become displaced 
but
no traveling, at this point 
nothing can’t take me somewhere
i’m trying to get far away
From this place that leads nowhere…

©️ Da Absentee 2013 revised 2024

2 – We Should Be


I`m confused; misplaced the love wrapped up in you
Can it be used
Even salvaged

Everything can be going right then we make a left
And we wrong
Possibly summed up in a sappy, silly love song
Replaced by everyday existence
Trial, tribulation.
Trouble and a dollar

I know you hurt
I see you cry
Even tho no tears are shed
I see it in your eyes
Your scared and its dark outside
The wheels will turn to get us out of there.
Out of here…

Despair…

Get us somewhere, someplace
We should be.
A tad more vibrant
A drop more bold
Someplace where our union can focus and hold
Become an affirmation for others to see example of real

And fantasy…

© Da Absentee 2012

*****

img_3203-1

Every couple has their disagreements. Even in adverse times we all should have the goal to be better in everything we do or are a part of. We all want and deserve the best.

You can listen right here>>

As Always…

Stay Positive!

2 – Getting Nowhere


On being a mother;

i shelter and protect, put there needs first

i lose myself and i lose respect.

this is how i became me

i am alone

so where has it gotten me

On being a wife

i gave him all of my life

i am a shadow of my former self

and he dares to tell me

i am not myself

this is how i became me

i am support

but where has it gotten me

On being a friend

i encourage and share my secrets with them

i lose trust and they unbalance my zen

and they say i act like

i am better than them

this is how i became me

i am therapist

but where has it gotten me

On being a co-worker

i work hard and play for the team

i get stepped on and passed over

i am depressed and never listened to

this is how i became me

i am angry

but where has it gotten me

On being me

I give the world a part of me

but i am shunned

and questioned, never given a second look

yet i give life, i give love

i think i am the lady, i am suppose to be

quiet, strong and forgiving

but with all this

this is how i became me

i am an unhappy me

but where has it gotten me?

©️Da Absentee 2011 revised 2024

“Perspective Change”

(Image found on Google added filter)

As Always…

Stay Positive!!

6 – Clouds & Smiles


LYRIC

First ray of light peering  through dark skies

A small smile from a familiar face

The pitter patter of tiny feet 

racing for a warm embrace

A light moment between friends

after a long, hard day.

.

ABSENTEE

The first touch of rain falling from that same dark sky

thunder musical score. 

Reminds me of grinning eons ago. 

Running of teenage feet attempting to beat the clouds pour. 

We should have been home hours ago…instead of taking time to explore.

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©️ Dual Perspective 2024

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As Always…

Stay Positive!

9 – Answering The Questions…


Sorry for the confusion…

Thank you for using me to capture a thought.

On to the questions…

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“How the fuck am I supposed to know?”

Your not, i should have taken the time to place an eloquent comment, with proper sentence structure and context.

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“Are you friend or foe?”

Friend.

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“Do you know?”

I do, i have no reason to be your enemy.

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“Ain’t no gray so are you going or staying?”

Staying… i am a fan

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“Ain’t no gray so do you love me or do you hate me?”

Love you.

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“How the fuck am I supposed to know if you don’t actually say so?”

Your not. I have to tell you.

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“Are your actions the distractions or vice versa?”

My actions are my actions. No distraction.

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“Ain’t no gray so are you coming or going?”

Coming. Matter fact i am always “coming” to see how its “going”.

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“What does what you chose to say really mean?”

What I should have said….

This piece is cute! Love the title. I can actually picture or see you or another woman, delivering this message to a possible suitor or someone trying to pick you up. When i read it. The closing to me has hints of sarcasm that i can relate too. Also the tie with the bones, your hair and the filter makes you look very appealing. #cute

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“Does it mean what i think that you think that i think it means?”

You wouldn’t know. We cant read each others minds. This setting is terrible relaying all that emotion and inference.

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“Does it mean anything?”

It means i liked the post. I liked the picture.

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I’m sorry for the confusion. I should have taken more care. I stepped into your space, feeling to comfortable and letting caution travel by air.

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I’m sorry for the confusion. Sarcasm is funny to me. Its where you can find me more than regularly.

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I’m sorry for the confusion. I love your work. I should support your work. I dont think your stupid or dumb as fuck.

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I’m sorry for the confusion. Thanks for acknowledging me. I see you! Thanks for a 15 second moment of fame in your universe.

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Signed your fan.

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Da Absentee

0 – Evolution


I see the growth in me

I feel the growth in me

I see and feel the need…

To keep this growth with me

life moves at pace

Frigid yet fast paced

Depressing yet succession based

Upsets with love and lusts

Entombed, flower laced

Moving differently

Feeling the time

Feeling the difference

Seeing my time different

Living and dying

Same instant, Same movement

Expansion with confinement

Duress

Animation supports transition

From simple to complex…

© Da Absentee 2016 revised 2024
“As Always…. Stay Positive!”

0 – The Gray


I hold to the black & white

ups – downs.

Then there is the gray.

Life always brings us

the in-between

never live in here

things, ideas and people slip by. 

 The gray is where the time flies

Where everything blends 

Where the secrets start and end 

where you

What you believe

Where you stand

are distant but visiting friends.

© Da Absentee 2024

“As Always…. Stay Positive!”

0 – Thinking


Orchestrating light

Compose a scene in color

Blended night

Thoughts ever change into her.

Wish to have.

Orchestrating light

Good times with a better half.

Compose a scene in color

Every night.

Blended night

The drive to get there

Thoughts ever change into her.

Wish to have.

All these thoughts

Good times with a better half.

Hold me down

Compose a scene in color

Etched with gravity

Every night.

Keep my feet on the ground

Blended night

Next time around

Always on the drive to get there

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©️Da Absentee 2019 revised 2024

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As Always…

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Stay Positive!